Hey Folks,
So you know that video I put out a few weeks ago? The one promising three blog posts and a video every week? Yeah, that hasn't happened.
To give credit to myself, I've put out videos every Sunday consistently, and I have put out a number of blog posts this past month. But keeping up with regular demand is a huge amount of pressure, largely self imposed, but still. I know how successful this page could be if I really pushed hard and stuck to a schedule. But the reality is, thanks to my ADHD, I can't stick to routine, as much as I would love to.
Those of you who have seen last weeks video will know just how low I got trying to keep up with the demand. It got really rough. I have a habit of doing something my mum calls "all or nothing". I either go full force in a manic frenzy trying to do everything I can to be perfect, or I'm in a depressive slump where even getting out of bed is a challenge.
The fact is, I have a job, multiple freelance work commitments, a family, friends and this blog to do. In September I'll be starting a second job and a masters degree. I am running out of time in my week and I spend huge amounts of time having to rest because of the stress I'm under.
I think I need to be honest and realise that I can't say yes to everything. I'm going to cut down on my days at work, start telling people "no" and focus on what I love to do. This blog means the world to me, and I'd rather die than give it up. But if I don't cut myself some slack, I will die. So going forward, there will be a video per week, a single blog post a week, released at any time I feel like it.
I hope for a future where my only commitment is being here, creating content for you, but life is what it is. I am working extremely hard. I've done so well, top grades, special selection to lead a speech at graduation, a small army of friends and family around me, respect from my peers. I look at other journalists who are working 7 days a week every week, putting out ridiculous levels of content. But I'm not them, I have my own struggles, my own fight. I will do what I can. But I will not destroy myself for anything or anyone. Even you.
I'll see you all on Sunday for the next video.
Peace, Love & Cowbells,
Oscar
